In November of 2021, at 10 weeks pregnant I miscarried our sweet baby, Maranatha. I was surprised that we lost her and I was humbled by how weak it left me feeling. You can read Longing for Baby #5 here. It is part one in a seven part series where I walk through our battle to overcome through faith, the dark moments clouded by death and share the encouragement I received from the Lord!
Unexpectedly, the Lord gave us another baby shortly after, it has been a pregnancy I have treasured in my heart... today I am 32 weeks and even as I write, I am enjoying feeling the happy hiccups in my now, very large tummy. Here is the Bonus Edition... enjoy!
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I took a pregnancy test... it was positive.
Surely I could not be pregnant. Just days before Christmas, likely my hormones were still a bit off from losing Maranatha last month (so I thought) and I continued with life. A few more weeks went by and still my cycle had not returned... could I be pregnant? Was that even possible?
My midwife, who had been so sweet to check in on me every so often since the miscarriage, confirmed that, yes... it was definitely possible and instructed me to take another pregnancy test. Again, it was positive.
With every previous pregnancy, a giddy feeling of joyful anticipation had accompanied those soft blue lines... but this time around, I could sense a very real struggle swirl around me. The bitter taste of deferred hope was fresh in my mouth and a tormenting fear whispered from behind that I might loose another baby.
When I went to get my blood drawn later that day and my midwife tried (unsuccessfully) to detect the heartbeat using her hand doppler (again, this is normal for early pregnancy), I basically left in tears trying so hard not be afraid and discouraged.
Beloved, let me encourage you with something you definitely need to hear.
Just because you feel afraid, does not mean you have failed.
This truth applies to the many unsavory emotions we feel as humans.
Fear. Worry. Jealousy. Anxiety. Anger...
You can do the right thing, respond in the right way even while feeling the "wrong" emotion and you are doing it! You are fighting the good battle of faith and the Lord is smiling at you, all of heaven is cheering for you and YOU ARE DOING IT!!!
Still, I felt so tired... tired of everything being hard, exhausted from contending. I felt weak, and then I was discouraged at my weakness and the low threshold I had for pain and hard things! Maybe this is you right now...
And yet, the kindness of the Lord...
Days later, a powerhouse friend named Tiffany read me this word and I adopted it as my own immediately, you can too! This is what the Lord said:
"You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you."
2 Chronicles 20:17
Thank You Jesus! The battle wasn't over, but I was going to have help... and more than that, the Lord was reminding me that He is my great Defender! That whatever was going to happen, He was going to be with me and help me. Praise the Lord.
I would love to hear from you! What scriptures is the Lord encouraging you with?
Has anyone else been surprised by getting pregnant so quickly after having a miscarriage?