I have died since becoming a mom.
“Lord, my life is yours” has taken a whole new look and daily reality. Whereas my young, zealous heart meant something glorious by it... my daily reality looks a lot more like filling sippy cups and serving mini humans who literally need me to wipe their bums.
I wont even go into my constant battle with the transcendent mound of laundry - whether clean or dirty!
All my aspirations of “making a difference” doing something spectacular... let alone things that are super basic, like reading a book or getting a decent nights sleep... seem far out of reach in this season.
And then when I take a breath... step back in a moment of quiet... His Holy Spirit (who lives in me!!!) whispers to my heart and I remember, "this is just a season". It is in these days where my weakness is most evident that, as I keep turning to Jesus and letting Him touch my heart & mind - renewing me, shaping me, that I find myself becoming the woman I have always DREAMED of being. A woman who is kind and selfless, confident and beautiful. A woman who makes everyone around her feel like they are home.
In the moments where I feel weak and tired and maybe a little defeated too, I like to use my imagination! No, I don’t picture myself alone, on a beach soaking up the sun in my pre-baby bikini...
I picture myself, as I am, where I am: a little momma, standing in front of my kitchen sink, suddenly before the throne of God and He hears me. He listens as I sing out of my weakness and pain. Standing before the courts of heaven, dressed as a royal daughter of the King, making my petition. Walking around my home and workplace like a BOSS. Confident, powerful, waging war with my prayers, watering my children and husband with the graceful words I speak.
I use my imagination to envision what my home looks like in the spirit - Light pushing back the darkness in my neighborhood. My prayers piercing sickness and banishing fear from my home. Angels literally standing watch on the four corners of my property. I envision the power of my words going forth and accomplishing what they were meant to - not one spoken flippantly, not one falling to the ground.
These are not vain imaginations of a silly girl... it is WISDOM to voice the real reality though unseen!!!
One particular bedtime will forever stand out in my mind.
Rowin was maybe just two, we still lived in Michigan, and Michael was putting our little fella to bed. Sitting in the rocking chair, praying over Rowin, Michael told him that angels protected him as he slept. Instantly, the sleepy little fella jumped up and began describing the angels that zoomed around our house, playing with him and then flying over repeatedly to “hug mom” and then zoom around our property again, all the while, a man in white was “laughing” with joy! His basic, toddler speech described with beautiful simplicity and chilling profoundness the real reality in our little home!
I encourage you to use your imagination today to build your faith... I truly believe that is why the Lord created us with such powerful capacities!
As a young mom, my heart goes out to other young mommas who maybe feel left out or like they are sitting on the bench. Maybe you feel super alone, or maybe you feel like your losing your mind (talking to toddlers all day & being sleep deprived can do that to you! haha) or at least losing your cool and you're trying your very best to be "a good mom".
I pray you reach out to Jesus today, He LOVES the sound of your voice!
And reach out to someone else too! You are not alone! Reach out to another young mom and pray for godly friends who are in the same stage of life as you. The nursing moms room at church (aka. my mini church!) is a great place to start!